Friday, February 24, 2006


I'm on time this week - woo hoo!

Choose one: moving to another state, having triplets, or never being able to eat chocolate again.
Well the chocolate thing is out of the question, I'd have to chose moving out of state.

Name a news story that truly shocked you.
It's so sad that in today's world not much shocks me. I'd have to say the SCOTUS decision in Kelo v. New London shocked me. I suppose it didn't make much press in non-legal circles because laypeople didn't understand the repercussions, but I remember thinking "WHAT??!" when I read it.

What was your very first job?
It depends on how you classify real job. I babysat when I was 15, then I was a clerk at a Drug Store for about a month. My first real long term, making money job was making pizza.

Main Course
If you had the chance to read the diary of someone you're really close to, would you? Why or why not?
No, because it's private and written with the intent that no one ever see it. A million spur of the moment observations or emotions could be misinterpreted and it would likely cause problems. Plus, I don't want to learn about someone from reading, I want to learn from them who they are and what they think.

What's something you're looking forward to?
I am so, so, SO looking forward to having my own place.

Monday, February 20, 2006


I finally [after a supposed snow delay due to lack of paper shipment] got my business cards today. NOW I feel legit.

[I also feel completely like a moron for not having a clue what is going on most of the time even though I am indeed a licensed attorney, but that is another story for another day.]

I've never had cards before. I'm so giggly about it, I'm a dork. They're all pretty and linen and embossed and beautiful.

Now I just need to find some clients before I find myself unceremoniously fired for not producing. I guess that means I'll also have to figure out what the hell I am doing. The concepts and the research I'm all bangers. It's the procedure that kills me - and the rainmaking.

Any tips on how to make rain?


I'm sending positive energy out to everyone who is sitting for the bar exam this week! No matter the outcome you all rock for surviving the hell thus far! Try to keep calm, I know it's hard - and focus on the task at hand.

Anyone who needs to have "wind down" drinks at the end of the week - call me.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


If you were a color, which color would you be, and why?
Green of course - it's the best color in the universe.

When was the last time you went to the doctor, and what was your reason for going?
Back in April. I remember quite clearly because I had been sick for far too long and ended up with a double ear infection, pink eye in both eyes and a sinus infection. I was a real mess.

What do you collect?
Nutcrackers, foreign currency and shot glasses

Main Course
What were you like in high school? Name one thing you miss and one thing you don't miss about those days. (If you're still there, imagine how you'll remember it in the future.)
I was a brain, but apparently decently popular. I miss having my whole universe wrapped up in one town, in one building. You really don't appreciate everyone being right outside your front door until you find that all your friends live far away. There are a million things I don't miss and I wouldn't go back to that time in my life even if you paid me.

Pretend you're standing in front of your home, with your back towards your home. Describe the view - what can you see? Trees? Cars? A zoo? Wal-Mart?
Big front lawn, typical neighborhood, lots of trees.

This Feast is a re-run from 7/9/2004. The chef is tired this week.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


I'd really just like to go on record saying that I'm not a fan of Special Civil Part - Chancery Division. It's not a hate thing - I'm just not a big fan. It's a lot of waiting around and a lot of not making sense and then in the end a declaration of bankruptcy or an absconding defendant to somewhere like Florida where you can't force a sheriff's sale to get at the assets is just not logical.

So yea, not really the best suited for spokeperson for special civil. That is all. Go back to reading about Cheney and his trigger happy habits or something.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Recently I was in superior court. It was a routine sentencing for our client. However, having found our matter moved to another judge I wound up sitting in on allocutions from other random defendants.

While I understand the need for public defenders and I know that technically "everyone" deserves a defense, I was reminded why I could never, ever be a public defender. [It also became quite clear to me why metal detectors are required upon entering the courthouse.]

The public defender in the courtroom facilitated a plea bargain for a defendant. He was accused of raping an 11 year old girl. The crime was recounted in more detail than I was comfortable with. However, what really made me nauseous was when he clarified exactly what anatomy went where. I'll save you the specific words, but this "man" [and I use that word loosly, because "animal" would be more appropriate] was smirking and smiling while he was recounting his crime. F*CKING SMILING!!

It was the first time I witnessed something like that first hand. I knew such things went on in the courts, but seeing it for the first time with my own eyes and ears was entirely different. It was the first time EVER that I was embarrassed and ashamed of my fellow professionals. I know the public defender was only doing his job, and I know if he were not there to do it someone else would be. I know the Constitution guarantees everyone counsel. Thankfully my office refuses such cases, but I was truly sickened. I really wanted to know if that attorney had kids. I wanted to know, seriously, and not in an accusatory or sarcastic way, how he sleeps at night.

I had to share that story, I had to get it off my chest. I wish I had been the judge. MAXIMUM SENTENCE, NO PAROLE. NEXT! A little naive I know, but just the thought of it makes me feel a tad better about the state of the world today.

Sunday, February 12, 2006


OK, so I owe a little bit of backstory. I've been alluding to my new employment situation recently. Here's the 411 for anyone who actually wants the details. The rest of you can just skip to the next entry in your blogroll. Anyway ...

About a month ago I was at "Ye Old Cell Phone Store" doing my thing. Sometimes, if the mood struck me, I would make sure it came up in conversation with a customer that I was in fact a licensed attorney. I didn't do this to brag or because I thought I was better than my coworkers. I did it because I was bored. Selling phones can be difficult if it gets busy or you get a combative customer, but it's not rocket science and I liked the look of utter shock I got when I told people that, yes in fact I had been to law school and graduated and everything. I was only keeping myself amused. I also figured out rather quickly that you can smell lawyer on another person. Any time I got an attorney, judge or law professor as a customer I could usually figure it out long before they told me. This was such the case about a month ago.

Customer needed help with settings on his phone. Mean customer or lazy me could [and should] send Mr. Customer straight to a tech, because well that's what they're there for. I was feeling benevolent and momentarily bored and the guy was jovial enough so I decided to help him myself since I'm more than familiar with most of the phones. *sniff sniff* I smell lawyer, so I ask. He confirms. I look him straight in the eye and say "me too". *insert usual look of shock here* This started a thirty minute conversation. I realized that I actually couldn't fix his phone issue so he went back to see a tech, but I followed and we continued talking. I was thrilled by the engaging conversation and appreciated all his advice. You don't get to talk law shop much in a cell phone store so I was pleased with the exchange. He gave me his card and told me that while he can't use anyone just now, he might know people. I'm thinking "yea right", but I decided to be positive. I emailed him my resume. Immediately he called me the next day - at work - to ask if I have any writing samples. I send those. Then nothing. OK, I expected that.

Then SURPRISE, I got a call from my mother that some hyper guy left a message for me there about a law job. I called him back from work. He was indeed super hyper and it turned out that he knew the attorney who was in the store, saw my stuff and wanted me to come do some per diem work for him. [I found out later that he never even read my resume, so I don't know what possessed him to call me, but I guess serendipity was on my side.] OK, so not a "job" per se, but per diem work I can do. Any real legal work is a good thing. So I went to meet this attorney. He is slightly older than me, brilliant and sarcastic as hell. Perfect. I also found out that, coincidentially, his law school buddy is a friend of mine from college. Now I have outside proof that he is indeed a fantastic, successful lawyer - and also slightly nuts. [The good natured debate in the courthouse parking lot where he called me a f*ckface on the first day we met might have been my first clue.]

He gave me some work and took me to court with him that first day. I guess all that studying and three years of school must have helped because he liked the work I did for him and gave me more. I spent the next two weeks working at both places and trying to cram legal work in between selling phones. No days off, do not pass go. It was awesome.

So he had this master plan where I rent his empty office, he covers some overhead and I bring in my own clients and give him a cut and he'll show me the ropes. That's a nice fantasy and all, but having just been admitted there is no way I am going solo. But he's a solo and he wants it that way and he doesn't want or need an associate. OK so per diem and still selling phones *sigh*. I need a regular paycheck, and health insurance and blah blah blah. My own shingle? I don't think so.

Anyway, to cut to the chase we had many discussions about the situation and finally through compromise on both sides I now work there full time as the first ever associate of Law Office of John Doe, Esq. I still have to bring in clients, but there is slightly less pressure now and I am learning a tremendous amount. It's not even the type of law I anticipated practicing, but I am fascinated.

So that's my story. I am completely thrilled and slightly nervous, but for right now it's all an adventure.

Saturday, February 11, 2006


Wow, I've been so busy securing employment [yes, yes, there's a big back story here, I have to do that post this weekend] that I didn't do Friday's Feast for the last THREE weeks! Egads!

OK, without further ado - loosen those belts, it's a triple helping!

January 27, 2006

Choose one: Popcorn, Pizza, Pretzels, Peanuts, or Pasta.
Pretzels - chocolate covered.

Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
Audi, high performance, a tad sassy and very classy.

If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Williams Sonoma

Main Course
Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?
Friends, CSI, Law & Order, ER, Judging Amy

If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million?
100 years would be my max, anything else and I would be so confused. However I would want it to be long enough that no one I know now was still alive. Knowing your own future is dangerous - don't you people listen to Dr. Brown?!

February 3, 2006

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highest), how sociable are you?
Depends on the people. With total strangers I'm about a 5, but with people I am comfortable with I would say a 9.5

Name 3 DVDs you currently own.
Pretty Woman
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Monsters Inc.

If you were to win a superlative award now (such as most talented, class clown, most likely to succeed), what would it be?
Most likely to open a restaurant

Main Course
What is your favorite radio station?
95.5 WPLJ

Complete this sentence: I believe __________ because __________.
I believe I am doing the profession I was meant to do because it feels so right, like a duck to water.

February 10, 2006

What was a class or course you took while in school that you realize now was a total waste of time?
Just one?! I would have to say "Intro to Logic". It was all common sense, some based on math principles I was already familiar with, and the professor got sick and we missed weeks of classes so we didn't cover half of what we should have. I took the class on the advice of a prof who told me it would help with my LSAT score, it was worthless.

Who is the tallest person you know?
I used to know a guy who was 6'6", almost 6'7".

What's your favorite midnight snack?
Depends on my mood, a glass of chocolate milk usually. It's sweet and fills me up w/o being a big meal.

Main Course
Have you ever found money somewhere? If so, where did you find it, and how much was it?
Yes, in my coat pocket. $20 and it was mine to begin with, LOL.

Where would you like to retire?
Arizona perhaps, it's a tad early to be thinking about that, I just got my first real job!

Sunday, February 05, 2006


Normally, I don't like to tell Pete that he's 110% on the money because he's already a pretty big know-it-all and being a law student I know it will only get worse. However, sometimes he's just so on target that I can't help but agree just a smidge. [Or maybe even more than a smidge, maybe enough to even say .... link him?]
On an unrelated note: I owe a post about my new employment situation and the backstory of how that all came about, but right now I am enjoying ther first day off I have had in over two weeks so that'll have to wait a little bit. The short version is that I am actually and truly practicing law after all this time and soon [5 days] "Ye Old Cell Phone" store will be a distant memory.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


A friend sent me the following email recently. I thought it was amusing/interesting enough to post. All names have been changed to protect the innocent/mentally disturbed.

It also got me wondering - what potential band names have you heard recently??
Years ago, a staple I was removing from a batch of papers stuck out at astrange angle. I showed it to my sister, Nancy, and said, "Dig the staple." She replied, "That would be a great band name." Since then, "That would be a great band name" has been our stock response to any odd phrase.

Nancy and her coworkers at Ye Old Candy Store have been keeping a list of other potential band names, assembled from their daily exchanges with customers and with each other. Their full list is below. (Note that some of these might work
better as album names.)

Too Hot for Buster
Fat Kids Always Leave Smudges
Elastic Slacks
These Tights Are Twisted
Panty Raid!
Nuts and Roofies
The Brittle Stack
She's Filled with Secrets
Snuggle Cheese
Icy Blue Fingers
I Paint Cellars
Big Peepers
Frog March Fanny
I Can See through Skeevies
Twizzler Shoelaces
Chubby Knuckles
Famished for Blondes
Revamp the Tramp
Stereotypical Monkey Odor
Electronic Tongs
The Unworldly Fashion
Three Banks and a Funeral Home
Inflatable Nativity
Shadow Skeevies
Dave Is Supersweet
Gnarly Snarls
Rubbernecking Sock Puppets
The Do-It-Yourself Iceberg
Medium Tasti
Religious Kickballs
Slippery Lobes
Spiderhorse Just Ate a Child!
The Skool Skeemers
Sucking the Smarts Out of Me
Fueled by Brew
Smiley Winkface
Phone Wang
Pure on the Lips
Pack a Wallop
Sluts Taking Fares
Dirty Peeps
Tainted Pizza

Also, while proofreading a new book a few weeks ago I happened upon another good one: "Mental Sphincter."
Rock on man. ROCK ON!


I've been meaning to post about THIS for a few days, but I just now had a free moment.

It appears that one Shannon Cook pled guilty to child endangerment. [Note to it's "pled" not "pleaded" - PLED! It's bad enough you still don't understand that you have to plead "not guilty" rather than "innocent" but could someone please slap the legal consultants over there and wake them from their nap. I shouldn't have to tell you guys this stuff.] AHEM, anyway, Mz. Cook left her three children, all under the age of four, alone for more than five hours. Apparently she "didn't think I'd be gone that long".

And would you like to know why three small children were left alone for so long?? Was it so their mother could go to work and make money to feed them? Noooo. Was it so she could attend to a sick friend or relative? Nooooooo.

Still guessing??

Wait for it .......................

She went to a taping of the Jerry Springer show!!!!!!!!!

[and - the irony meter surrenders]


THIS was just too disturbing for words. David Hasselhoff, of Knight Rider fame, flying through the air, flying! behind faux backgrounds, in a fur coat, singing "Hooked on a Feeling". Disturbing. Profoundly.

He's not a bad singer actually, but the bad special effects, the insane backgrounds - it's just too bizarre to miss. It's like Toms Jones on crack.

His uber-fame in Germany makes perfect sense now though. Clearly, you would have to drink A LOT of beer to find this kind of thing seem normal. A lot.