I *HEART* WAITERS

I have always had "a thing" for waiters, mainly because I have a hard time flirting and I find it comfortable to flirt with waiters because I know they are only doing their jobs so I don't feel self conscious. They are nice to me so they can get a big tip, and if I get some positive attention in the process all the better.

This time, however, is different. Why? Well I think I have a little internet crush on a waiter that has never waited on me [that I know of anyway]. I have been enjoying Waiter Rant for some time. Many, many times I have observed the Waiter's insight and read about the background info he chooses to share with his readers and thought that we would make fast friends. Recently I heard him give a radio interview and decided that his voice was just as likeable as his online personality seemed to be. Now I know that he and I have never met through some cruel twist of serendipity.

I'm a big language freak. I have been accused of using "big words" to sound pompous when in reality that is just my vocabulary. I also cringe as if nails were being scrawled across a chalkboard when people use bad grammar, mispronounce words or otherwise degrade the [American] English language in all of its idiomatic glory. Just yesterday evening, in fact, I heard a man tell his young son "you did so good!" and my inner voice wailed "no, no, no! He did not do 'good', he did 'well'. Why are you teaching your offspring such blasphemy?!" Yes, my inner voice used the word blasphemy. See what I mean. All of this came to mind when I read his recent post and is why I adore him more than I did before.

In any event, I have learned, as Waiter did, that correcting people on this point is ill advised. Either you will find that people don't believe you because they have heard their pronunciation or grammar misstep repeated by countless others [i.e. "irregardless" which is NOT a correct word in the English language, but rather a bastardization of "regardless" and "irrespective", but I digress] or they are embarrassed and become indignant about the entire matter. I'm with Waiter, I would rather know I am making a mistake and be able to correct it rather than walk around with the proverbial toilet paper stuck to my shoe.

So apparently, for various reasons, I have a thing for waiters.